What Depresses Me

As I think of my reasons for starting this website, I remember how depressed I was for so many years at school and at home. It got to the point where I was constantly suicidal. One day I tried to hang myself in the school bathroom. I felt alone, uncared about, and had nobody to listen to the reasons why I was depressed. I am 18 now and have only just recently moved away from that situation. I now have more emotional support and I feel more in control of my life.

I've noticed that now I rarely get depressed. When I do I can always identify the specific reasons or causes for my feelings. Earlier, when I was less in control of my own life, I felt overwhelmed by the number and variety of my painful feelings. There were so many and they were so constant I couldn’t sort them out. Now, though, I can. And I can take time for myself when I need it.

Because of my own recent depresion and having come so close to taking my own life, I decided not to enter university at this time, but to instead use this period of my life to helping others who are currently suffering from similar painful feelings. Currently, I am working as a volunteer with a youth suicide prevention organization. Listening to other young people has helped me understand my own situation, and helping others younger than me has given my life more meaning and purpose. I have also decided to put together a book which will feature some of their stories. You can get a paperback copy of the book from Lulu or a PDF copy directly from me in exachange for a donation of any amount.

Since starting my volunteer work with depressed and suicidal teens, I’m beginning to see things in a different light. I have begun to question and reflect on things I once took for granted as just “the way things are”. I lived the first 9 years of my life in Mexcio. In Spanish they say “asi es”, or “that’s how it is.” But now I wonder if things have to stay the way they are now, or if we can change things for the better. I am beginning to wonder, for example, if perhaps too much emphasis is placed on medicating young people with the possible intention of merely numbing their unwanted feelings.

Though it has just been a few months since I started listening to others talk about their depression, I have already noticed patterns in how depressed teens are being treated at home and in their schools. And I am seeing that I am not the only young person who feels the way I did, or who has the kind of problems which caused me such pain.

I have also come to realize there are serious problems with the way we are treated and viewed by society. For those of us who are most suicidal, it seems people who say they want to help us at times seem to be more intent on changing us. Our real feelings seem to be discounted or trivialized. I wonder if it might be more helpful, for everyone, to seek out and listen more seriously to the reasons behind a teen’s depression. Perhaps there is more of a cause and effect relationship than we have yet realized. If this proves to be true, it could help us in our suicide prevention efforts. Certainly no one wants to see a young person take their own life. But what is the best way to prevent these tragedies? It is my hope that this website and my book will help us answer this question.

It is also my hope that by starting this website, I can become somewhat of a voice for depressed and suicidal teenagers. I plan to post their stories so as to help more people become aware of, and understanding of teen depression and suicide, with the goal that one day we can help them become free from what depresses them. If you are a teen or young adult, please share your story with me. Or even if you are older, but you can still remember what it was like as a teen, please write and tell me what depresses you.

Thanks for caring and helping,

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2011 Update: It has been two years since I started this website, so for the record I'm 20 yeras old now.